


Langst

by prince_yoongi



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Blood and Injury, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Angst, Langst, Suicidal Thoughts, this is my first langst fic i apologize
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 10:57:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14163342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prince_yoongi/pseuds/prince_yoongi
Summary: Lance has always felt out of place here, he's never felt useful. Now, everyone's avoiding him. There's only one thing Lance can do to make himself stop thinking about all this.





	Langst

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I got into langst recently and I'm really sorry and I would like to personally apologize to Lance to everyone who does this to you, and for myself who also did this to you... (Also! Please be warned that there are some very severe triggers in this short fic) 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Self harm, blood, suicidal thoughts, suicide

Lance:

Some days it was hard to get out of bed. Most days it was hard to get out of bed. There were some days that I didn't get up until after noon. I tried to get up in the mornings, I really did. But every day it got harder and harder to think of a reason to wake up. Ever since Shiro came back I have been waiting for the day that Keith returned as well, effectively making me useless. And after the accident I was more useless than ever. I was never good at anything anyway. And no one would care if I left. No one could care if I was gone. But I continued on anyway. I smiled and halfheartedly made jokes. I had to do what they expected of me.

I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. No, leg. My fingers hovered over the red bumps and scars that covered what remained of my left leg. I wouldn't touch them. Looking at them made me sick enough. I pulled down the baggy shorts that I wore. I didn't wear jeans anymore because I had to either pin up the left leg or sew it, and I hated the way it looked on me. My jeans were too baggy now anyway, and worn. It had been so long since we left earth. 

I straightened my back and reached for the crutches that leaned against the wall next to my bed. I used one to pull myself up and hobble over to my dresser, pulling on a long sleeved shirt. I saw a flash of red skin on my arms as my sleeves covered the scars. Most of them were old. But not all of them. It had been something that I struggled with when I was back on earth, but that was long before now. I had gone so long without doing it. But it was the only thing that made the bad thoughts stop. The only thing that made me feel better. It made me feel something. So I started again.

I was in the kitchen now. Only Hunk looked up when he heard my crutches tapping across the floor. He smiled at me and then went back to eating his breakfast. I pulled out a chair and sat down, dropping a crutch as I did. I cursed.

"Language" Shiro said absently. I winced and pinched my lips together. Things between us had been strained ever since he yelled at me. I knew he didn't really mean it, that he was- we all were -under a lot of pressure. He just snapped. That didn't change the fact that he never apologized for it. He didn't need to. I was always saying stupid things anyway.

Allura wasn't at breakfast. Ever since we teamed up with Lotor she had been spending less and less time with us. We only spoke during missions, which we rarely did recently. Voltron was weak right now, and it was all my fault. I kind of resented Allura for taking my place. They wouldn't replace her when Keith came back. I was going to be the first one to go. I was useless anyway.

Hunk and Pidge had gotten really close since we found Matt. The three of them hung out together a lot and talked about alien technology. I guess that group was only meant to be a trio. They never explicitly told me that I was out of the group, but they stopped inviting me to hang out with them or help with new robot that they were building. I wasn't smart enough for them anyway.

And Keith. Keith was gone. I thought our rival/friendship thing was special. I guess it meant more to me than it did to him. He abandoned me. He abandoned everyone, actually. Still, it stung when he left. What was worse was that I didn't want him to come back. If he came back, I would no longer be a paladin. I wasn't good enough anyway. 

The only person that remained the same was Coran. He was the only person who still talked to me. Who saw me when no one else did. I was going to miss him the most. I never deserved his friendship anyway.

I ate silently as everyone talked around me, leaving one by one as they finished, until I was the only one left. Alone. As always.

Ever since the accident everyone treated me differently. They tiptoed around me, treating me like I was incapable of doing anything. Slowly that changed into silence. They stopped talking to me. They stopped listening. Caring. I wasn't sure any of them really ever cared for me. I mean, who who would? I was useless and annoying. My only purpose in the world was too flirt and make jokes. If that was all I was good for, they wouldn't miss me. Someone else could make the jokes. I wasn't a good paladin. I never had been. 

I was back in my room now. It wasn't even lunch time yet, but I was tired. I was always tired. I took off my shirt and carefully folded it, putting it back in the drawer. I didn't want them to have to clean my room after. I went to the bathroom and found the blades right where I had left them. Sitting on the counter, still covered in dried blood from the last time. I hadn't bothered to hide them. No one came to visit me here. Why would they? 

I crawled onto my perfectly made bed and laid down, closing my eyes. The blade felt cool in my hand. My mind was blank with white static. For the first time in months I didn't have bad thoughts in my mind, just silence. It felt nice. 

Some days it was hard to get out of bed. So I decided that tomorrow, I wasn't going to.

 

Shiro:

I felt awful for yelling at Lance. It seemed that lately I had no control over the things that I did or said. But today I was going to apologize. Today we were all going to make up for the way we had treated him lately. Pidge, Hunk, and Matt had been working tirelessly on a robotic leg for Lance. They had been hiding it from him for weeks, wanting it to be a surprise. We all just wanted to see him smile again. Hunk and Coran had even made some for of goo-cookies for him. Something had been bothering him the past few days, and it seemed like every time we tried to talk to him he brushed us off, or simply avoided us altogether.

We were all heading towards his room now with the gifts that we had made to cheer him up. 

Pidge bounced forward, the leg metal wrapped in some material that almost resembled wrapping paper, and Hunk with the plate of cookies. Allura had even brought him some mud mask paste from one of the planets we had visited recently. I smiled at the paladins, proud of what they had done for our friend. I pushed the button next to Lance's door. These gifts weren't going to fix everything, but it was a start. We needed to apologize. I needed to apologize. And make it up to him. I needed to fix things before it was too late.

As the door slid open and everyone squeezed inside room, our smiles dropped from our faces. A loud noise rang out as the plate of cookies hit the ground, shattering everywhere. There was a pool of blood on the floor, slowly expanding because of the steady drip from his wrist hanging over the side of the bed. Lance laid there motionless, his eyes close and his skin pale. 

We were too late.


End file.
